Peer Sharing...

This week's blog is about looking over two papers and commenting on them.

The first paper is Brandon's paper (I used the 1st version as the other has not been uploaded onto blackboard)

From what I read the main point of the paper is the about the underlying racism ongoing in New Orleans

"This should have been no surprise because for all the cohesiveness New Orleans has exhibited, there is an underlying note of a racism brought about by years of bigotry from governing sanctions."

This might work as a thesis statement, but it seems kind of like there should be a bit more added to it. Another line or so.


I can see where the paper is going. At first he introduces the topic and then goes into the history of it. One thing about his paper is that it seems a bit raw in the version that I've read. While there is a lot of info, and does seem to be organized, some of the paragraphs seem very long and in need of being cut down. Another thing is that while he sources his material, he does not really give much information about the source.

One example of this: "According to, Racism and Resistance in New Orleans developed a three tiered racial hierarchy"

He doesn't tell the reader what "Racism and Resistance in New Orleans" is. It could be a book, an article, anything. I don't really know. One thing that he should do is mention what the source is, whether a book, an article or something else.

He doesn't seem to need help with grammer, but there are some mistakes, like the one in the quote given above. He didn't need to add the comma after "According to". Personally though I think that there might be something missing there that he forgot accidentally, like the type of source or the author's name.


The second paper is Rhodine's paper.

The focus of her paper seems to be on Environmental racism mainly in South Bronx.
To me, what seems to be closest to a thesis statement is:

"All these places of a couple of things in common, one they are all places of low income two they are places that get dumped on (literally). Let us focus on the South Bronx. There is a high number of waste facilities and transfer trucks that go through the South Bronx. This is causing some of the highest rates of asthma in the country. The Bronx River is getting better but still needs a lot of work. We as citizens of this city and the world should take action and help change this situation.
Environmental racism is when one particular group, usually people of low income have to take on the burden of caring for another group’s environmental mess. "

I know what her paper is about, but I think that she needs to add a sentence or two making the thesis statement clear. And add that before going into details about South Bronx. Maybe change the wording a bit.

The format of the paper seems okay, but I think that she should add the definition of Environmental racism before talking about South Bronx.

Overall her topic is really interesting to me and I would definitely like to read more of it to understand the subject better.


I don't really know if my opinions are good or helpful, but I've mentioned all of the issues that I found important about the papers.